Here’s a truth that’ll make you squirm: there are people in your life right now who secretly hope you fail. Not because they hate you—oh no, that would be too honest. They hope you fail because your struggles make them feel like main characters in their own heroic narrative. You’re not their friend; you’re their favorite charity case, their walking ego boost, their personal “at least I’m not them” story.

And the absolute kicker? The moment you start winning, these same people will act like you personally insulted their grandmother by having the audacity to succeed.

The Savior Complex Squad

You know these people. They swoop in during your lowest moments with advice you didn’t ask for, solutions that benefit them more than you, and an energy that screams “let me fix your tragic little life.” They position themselves as your personal life coach, career counselor, and spiritual tutor all rolled into one insufferable package.

When you’re broke, they’re suddenly financial advisors. When you’re single, they become matchmakers. When you’re struggling with work, they transform into networking leaders with a contacts list that could “change everything for you”—if only you’d listen and follow their master plan for your existence.

The dead giveaway? They speak about your life like they’re the director and you’re just the confused actor who keeps forgetting their lines. They’ll say things like “You should really consider…” or “What you need to do is…” or my personal favorite, “I’ve been thinking about your situation, and here’s what I would do.”

Notice how it’s never “How can I support you?” or “What do you think would work best?” It’s always them prescribing solutions to problems they’ve diagnosed in your life without your consent.

The Punishment Phase: When You Don’t Play Along

Here’s where things get really spicy. The moment you don’t follow their unsolicited life plan, these people flip faster than a politician during election season. Suddenly, you’re “ungrateful” for not appreciating their “help.” You’re “stubborn” for not taking their advice. You’re “making bad decisions” because you had the nerve to choose your own path.

They’ll start punishing you for your independence with passive-aggressive comments, disappointed sighs, and the classic “I’m just worried about you” manipulation. They act like your refusal to be their pet project is a personal betrayal of their generosity.

But let’s be real about what’s actually happening here: you’re threatening their sense of superiority by refusing to stay in the “helpless” box they’ve built for you. Your independence reminds them that they’re not actually the wise mentor they pretend to be—they’re just someone who needs to feel bigger by keeping others smaller.

The Success Allergy: When Your Wins Become Their Losses

And then comes the plot twist that reveals everything: watch what happens when you actually start succeeding. When you get that promotion, launch that business, find that relationship, or achieve that goal—suddenly, these “supportive” people develop a mysterious condition I like to call Success Allergy.

The symptoms are unmistakable. They’ll downplay your achievements with comments like “Well, anyone could do that” or “You got lucky” or “Must be nice to have it so easy.” They’ll find ways to poke holes in your success, remind you of past failures, or predict future problems you haven’t even encountered yet.

My favorite move? They’ll start giving you advice about how to handle your success, as if winning is somehow dangerous and you need their guidance to not screw it up. Because God forbid you figure things out without their supervision.

The Gossip Circuit: You’re Their Star Story

Behind the scenes, these people are running their own little gossip circuit where you’re the star attraction. They love having a “project person” to discuss with others. Your struggles become their conversation pieces at dinner parties. Your setbacks become their examples of “what not to do” in their unsolicited mentoring sessions with other people.

They’ll talk about you like you’re their charity work, their good deed, their evidence of being a caring person. “Oh, I’m trying to help so-and-so get their life together” becomes their personality trait. You’re not a person with agency and complexity—you’re their human proof of concept for their own goodness.

The truly insidious part? They often frame this gossip as “concern” or “asking for advice on how to help you.” But pay attention to the energy behind it. Are they genuinely seeking ways to support you, or are they performing their own compassion for an audience?

The Threat Assessment: Why Your Success Terrifies Them

Here’s the psychology behind this garbage behavior: these people have built their entire sense of self-worth on being “better” than someone else. They need you to stay stuck because your stuckness validates their superiority. Your success doesn’t inspire them—it threatens their entire identity.

When you start winning, you force them to confront an uncomfortable truth: maybe they’re not as special as they thought. Maybe their “better” life circumstances are due to luck, privilege, or timing rather than their inherent superiority. Maybe you were never broken—maybe you just needed time, space, and actual support instead of their performative help.

Your growth exposes their stagnation. Your independence reveals their need to control. Your success highlights that they’ve been investing in your failure rather than genuinely supporting your journey.

The Identity Crisis: When the Helper Needs Help

The really wild part is that these people often have their own issues they’re avoiding by focusing on yours. Playing savior to your “disasters” distracts them from examining their own lives. They’d rather be the wise advisor to your chaos than face their own unresolved problems.

They mistake interference for care, control for love, and superiority for support. They genuinely believe they’re helping, which makes them even more dangerous than people who are obviously malicious. At least with obvious enemies, you know where you stand.

Breaking Free: Recognizing the Pattern

Once you see this pattern, you can’t unsee it. You’ll start noticing the energy shift when you share good news versus bad news. You’ll catch the subtle ways they undermine your confidence while pretending to build you up. You’ll recognize the difference between people who celebrate your wins and people who tolerate them.

Real supporters don’t need you to stay small to feel big themselves. They don’t treat your life like their personal improvement project. They don’t punish you for making choices they wouldn’t make. And they definitely don’t get weird when you succeed without their input.

The Plot Twist: You Don’t Need Their Permission to Win

Here’s the beautiful truth that’ll set you free: you don’t need these people’s approval, advice, or permission to live your life. You don’t owe them gratitude for unwanted help. You don’t have to stay stuck to maintain their comfort. And you absolutely don’t have to shrink yourself to accommodate their need to feel superior.

Your job isn’t to be anyone’s ego boost, charity project, or cautionary tale. Your job is to live your life on your own terms, make your own mistakes, celebrate your own wins, and surround yourself with people who genuinely want to see you thrive—not just when it’s convenient for their self-image.

The people who truly care about you will cheer for your success, respect your choices (even when they disagree), and support you without needing credit or control. They won’t treat your life like a group project where they’re the team leader.

The Ultimate Power Move: Thriving Anyway

Want to know the most satisfying part of recognizing this pattern? Once you see it, you can stop playing their game entirely. You can succeed without their permission, grow without their guidance, and thrive without their approval. And honestly? Watching them scramble to maintain relevance in your life when you no longer need their “help” is pure poetry.

Your success becomes your revenge—not because you’re trying to hurt them, but because you’re finally free from their need to keep you small. You get to discover who you really are when you’re not performing struggle for an audience that feeds off your setbacks.

So here’s your mission, should you choose to accept it: identify the people in your life who only love you when they feel bigger than you. Notice who gets weird when you win. Pay attention to who treats your independence like insubordination. Then, do the most radical thing possible—succeed anyway.

Because that’s the best way to handle people who want to be close to you only when they feel superior. Don’t give them that opportunity. Rise up, level up, and watch them reveal exactly who they really are when they can no longer use your struggles to feed their ego.

Have you spotted these energy vampires in your own life? Let’s call out this behavior and celebrate the real ones who stick around for your success story! And if this post hit home, share it with someone who needs to hear they don’t have to stay small to keep others comfortable.